I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
