four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
