I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
