I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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