I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
