Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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