Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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