You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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