how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Houston, we have a blender
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
