I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
