We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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