Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
