I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The ass gains better be worth it
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