I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
