Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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