I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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