i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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