I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
