Sry I called you an 8
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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