Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
