Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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