oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
