We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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