well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
