I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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