He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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