Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How naked do you want me to be?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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