I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
