I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We need a shit load of segways right now
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
