Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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