so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
