have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
