I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
