What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
