and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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