Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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