of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize