I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
