I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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