I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
