Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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