My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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