hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize