I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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