My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize