All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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