I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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