12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
