I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
