You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize