Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
