I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
