I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
