what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
