I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
