Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
