So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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