the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
