I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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