how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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