but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
