You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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