Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
