whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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