you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
