We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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