I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
