If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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