id be glad to
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
