its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
