Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
