please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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