Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
