a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
