He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
