i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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