the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
