my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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