A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
