Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We talked him into tasing himself.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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