His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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