IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
