a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
