i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
