I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
