Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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