i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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