No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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