He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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