im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
