it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
