He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
