i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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