Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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