just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
