I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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