Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize