Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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