capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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