After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
