Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
