If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He has the fingertips of a God
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
