Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
